Byzantine Orthodox Priest Ball—majestic, wise, and with a beard that could rival the emperors themselves. Dressed in golden vestments and holding an icon in one hand and a censer in the other, he moves gracefully through ancient cathedrals, chanting in a deep, otherworldly voice. He speaks in Old Greek, debates theology like a gladiator, and firmly believes that Rome fell for a reason. Just don’t question the length of the church service—time is but a test of faith, my child!

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Handmade plush toy by Anna Fortune